In the throes of throws

I started pottery for about 2 years 3 years ago, then quit. Last week a fine arts fair came to town and the professional potters had their ware everywhere. I couldn’t keep away from the pots and couldn’t resist running my hands together against the sides, pulling upward, feeling the ridges of another potters hands. I’m thinking about going back. Here are a few takes of my  early pots. A bit sad but still good enough to explore further?

Rehab: come to live again

I arrived early this morning ready to go. Weighed in and stood by the blood pressure machine. I was too early. Told to sit and wait of course with the kindest of tones, ‘please’.

Which I did. Others came in, weighed themselves, sat. Finally, the blood pressures taken, the sticky tabs of the heart monitor wires positioned, the sagging white sacs hung from our necks within which the monitors placed.

Some walk the track, some the treadmills, some pedaling the nustep, rowers, bikers all of us tracking as if we are going somewhere, as if we know where we are going. Behind us the wall fills with our etches. Barb’s heart is number 5. The tracings mean I am alive. The heart is murmuring in a new way. It ‘s learning to beat without fear. To beat without skipping, to beat without muttering, 

All of us going nowhere, working so hard at it, hoping that place is a future far away, hoping it ‘s a place where our children grow up, where our mother’s can kiss our heads, where bosses shake our hands. Walking, treading, biking, upping the inclines as we up the stakes.

Rehab. Come to live again.

Being all you can be

I’m in this for the renewed sense of well being and for seeing how much I can actually do.  I was granted a new valve and it would seem irresponsible not to take care of it. 

I’ve also been thinking about healing – not the contemporary kind as in ‘let the healing begin’ but physical healing. After all, the surgery was a big deal. Cut right through the sternum and into the heart itself. So the heart had to heal, the sternum, the muscles and skin.

And the heart had to remember how to maintain a certain amount of blood pressure, how to beat regularly. And I had to learn how to walk without losing my breath. Healing has so many levels, issues, significances.

I was thinking about the group of people I was with – how many stories, how much suffering, how many walks of life they all represent.  And each day someone is new and someone else finishes and goes home.

This is phase 2. Phase 1 was getting back on your feet. Phase 2 let’s you heal.  Phase 3 is maintenance. I am in phase 2. Next week they will repeat my stress test. I will see the difference between before and after the surgery. Later the test will be repeated one more time. I will see my improvement from this point.

Healing.  Getting better, improving. Being all one can be. Finding out what that is.  Rehab is such an opportunity on so many levels.

How to Succeed at Rehab? Go, Go, Go

Amy Winehouse’s voice is singing “Rehab” inside my head:

They tried to make me go to rehab
I said no, no, no.
Yes I been black, but when I come back
You wont know, know, know.

I have rehab – I register at 1:00. This rehab is Cardiac Rehab – I had surgery on March 31 to replace my mitral valve. I now have a valve made of bovine tissue. It’s brand new and promises me a new kind of life

especially if I go to rehab. I’m thinking about possible questions I may be asked, the rehab kind of questions. What do I want to get out of this? Names some things I’d like to change in my life to make me a healthier person. At least the questions are formed.

I would like to not be afraid of my new heart. I would like to not be afraid of when my new valve will wear out. I would like to be a lower weight. I would like to be able to walk farther, climb higher, eat better.

Cardiac Rehab – I think – I’m enthusiastic now coming as I am down from the miracle of surgery. But will I feel the same one month from now? Three days a week? for 3 months?

I’m hoping to keep myself going and I am hoping you’ll follow along with me discovering a life changing, a life in process. And,

I’m hoping you’ll make me “go, go, go” :)

A Call of Christian Conscience?

Manhattan Declaration: A Call of Christian Conscience

Religious Patriarchy

When I was in the 4th grade I made my first Holy Communion at St. John’s in Philadelphia.  I attended public school because my family could not afford Catholic school but did attend for catechism lessons. There was a requirement which was that I attend the Catholic school for 1 week prior to my communion and on the Monday morning after. I was very proud of myself. And I loved my new white dress with veil.
After my first confession on Saturday and my first holy communion on Sunday, I again received communion on Monday morning and after church made my way back to Longfellow Elementary school. Wearing my beautiful white dress. I didn’t change because I had to go directly to school. With 1) a note of why I was absent and 2) myself. I thought my teacher would congratulate me on my Communion and let me tell the class about my dress. Instead,
My 4th grade teacher read the note and made a big X through it. She then marked the attendance book with 5 ½ unexcused absences. Holy Communions were not reasons to miss school. Then she asked me about my dress and hearing that it was my communion dress she sent me home – to get changed. I was embarrassed and crying when I changed and my mom explained that some people just didn’t like Catholics.
And back I went, feeling humiliated of course but not as humiliated as I was going to feel. For some reason the teacher decided to read the Bible to the class after first  pointing out that it was the King James version and that there were no other legitimate versions and then calling me up to read from the Bible to the class.
Catholics didn’t read the King James version of the Bible. They read the Douay-Rheims version. Which she well knew. But punishing me seemed to be her afternoon goal.
This is years later. I recall that event now because I am upset about The Manhattan Declaration. I am opposed to anything executed by government in the name of religion. If you want my vote explain to me in non religious terms why I should follow along. Otherwise you are mixing religion and state.
We separate religion from state for a reason. My own example is a small example of what happens if we do not maintain the separation. After all, who’s religion will be the recognized religion? Remember, that Obama could be a Muslim was a scare tactic used by the Republican / Christian right during the previous election. There is no reason why Obama should not have been a Muslin. And when I was a kid everyone feared the Pope would actually take the reigns of the United States if John Kennedy were elected president. I want to publish here Kennedy’s point of view:
quote:
While the so-called religious issue is necessarily and properly the chief topic here tonight, I want to emphasize from the outset that we have far more critical issues to face in the 1960 election: the spread of Communist influence, until it now festers 90 miles off the coast of Florida; the humiliating treatment of our president and vice president by those who no longer respect our power; the hungry children I saw in West Virginia; the old people who cannot pay their doctor bills; the families forced to give up their farms; an America with too many slums, with too few schools, and too late to the moon and outer space.
These are the real issues which should decide this campaign. And they are not religious issues — for war and hunger and ignorance and despair know no religious barriers.
But because I am a Catholic, and no Catholic has ever been elected president, the real issues in this campaign have been obscured — perhaps deliberately, in some quarters less responsible than this. So it is apparently necessary for me to state once again not what kind of church I believe in — for that should be important only to me — but what kind of America I believe in.
I believe in an America where the separation of church and state is absolute, where no Catholic prelate would tell the president (should he be Catholic) how to act, and no Protestant minister would tell his parishioners for whom to vote; where no church or church school is granted any public funds or political preference; and where no man is denied public office merely because his religion differs from the president who might appoint him or the people who might elect him.
I believe in an America that is officially neither Catholic, Protestant nor Jewish; where no public official either requests or accepts instructions on public policy from the Pope, the National Council of Churches or any other ecclesiastical source; where no religious body seeks to impose its will directly or indirectly upon the general populace or the public acts of its officials; and where religious liberty is so indivisible that an act against one church is treated as an act against all.
For while this year it may be a Catholic against whom the finger of suspicion is pointed, in other years it has been, and may someday be again, a Jew— or a Quaker or a Unitarian or a Baptist. It was Virginia’s harassment of Baptist preachers, for example, that helped lead to Jefferson’s statute of religious freedom. Today I may be the victim, but tomorrow it may be you — until the whole fabric of our harmonious society is ripped at a time of great national peril.
Finally, I believe in an America where religious intolerance will someday end; where all men and all churches are treated as equal; where every man has the same right to attend or not attend the church of his choice; where there is no Catholic vote, no anti-Catholic vote, no bloc voting of any kind; and where Catholics, Protestants and Jews, at both the lay and pastoral level, will refrain from those attitudes of disdain and division which have so often marred their works in the past, and promote instead the American ideal of brotherhood.
That is the kind of America in which I believe. And it represents the kind of presidency in which I believe — a great office that must neither be humbled by making it the instrument of any one religious group, nor tarnished by arbitrarily withholding its occupancy from the members of any one religious group. I believe in a president whose religious views are his own private affair, neither imposed by him upon the nation, or imposed by the nation upon him as a condition to holding that office.
I would not look with favor upon a president working to subvert the First Amendment’s guarantees of religious liberty. Nor would our system of checks and balances permit him to do so. And neither do I look with favor upon those who would work to subvert Article VI of the Constitution by requiring a religious test — even by indirection — for it. If they disagree with that safeguard, they should be out openly working to repeal it.
I want a chief executive whose public acts are responsible to all groups and obligated to none; who can attend any ceremony, service or dinner his office may appropriately require of him; and whose fulfillment of his presidential oath is not limited or conditioned by any religious oath, ritual or obligation.
This is the kind of America I believe in, and this is the kind I fought for in the South Pacific, and the kind my brother died for in Europe. No one suggested then that we may have a “divided loyalty,” that we did “not believe in liberty,” or that we belonged to a disloyal group that threatened the “freedoms for which our forefathers died.”
And in fact ,this is the kind of America for which our forefathers died, when they fled here to escape religious test oaths that denied office to members of less favored churches; when they fought for the Constitution, the Bill of Rights and the Virginia Statute of Religious Freedom; and when they fought at the shrine I visited today, the Alamo. For side by side with Bowie and Crockett died McCafferty and Bailey and Carey. But no one knows whether they were Catholic or not, for there was no religious test at the Alamo.
I ask you tonight to follow in that tradition, to judge me on the basis of my record of 14 years in Congress, on my declared stands against an ambassador to the Vatican, against unconstitutional aid to parochial schools, and against any boycott of the public schools (which I have attended myself)— instead of judging me on the basis of these pamphlets and publications we all have seen that carefully select quotations out of context from the statements of Catholic church leaders, usually in other countries, frequently in other centuries, and always omitting, of course, the statement of the American Bishops in 1948, which strongly endorsed church-state separation, and which more nearly reflects the views of almost every American Catholic.
I do not consider these other quotations binding upon my public acts. Why should you? But let me say, with respect to other countries, that I am wholly opposed to the state being used by any religious group, Catholic or Protestant, to compel, prohibit, or persecute the free exercise of any other religion. And I hope that you and I condemn with equal fervor those nations which deny their presidency to Protestants, and those which deny it to Catholics. And rather than cite the misdeeds of those who differ, I would cite the record of the Catholic Church in such nations as Ireland and France, and the independence of such statesmen as Adenauer and De Gaulle.
But let me stress again that these are my views. For contrary to common newspaper usage, I am not the Catholic candidate for president. I am the Democratic Party’s candidate for president, who happens also to be a Catholic. I do not speak for my church on public matters, and the church does not speak for me.
Whatever issue may come before me as president — on birth control, divorce, censorship, gambling or any other subject — I will make my decision in accordance with these views, in accordance with what my conscience tells me to be the national interest, and without regard to outside religious pressures or dictates. And no power or threat of punishment could cause me to decide otherwise.
But if the time should ever come — and I do not concede any conflict to be even remotely possible — when my office would require me to either violate my conscience or violate the national interest, then I would resign the office; and I hope any conscientious public servant would do the same.
But I do not intend to apologize for these views to my critics of either Catholic or Protestant faith, nor do I intend to disavow either my views or my church in order to win this election.
If I should lose on the real issues, I shall return to my seat in the Senate, satisfied that I had tried my best and was fairly judged. But if this election is decided on the basis that 40 million Americans lost their chance of being president on the day they were baptized, then it is the whole nation that will be the loser — in the eyes of Catholics and non-Catholics around the world, in the eyes of history, and in the eyes of our own people.
But if, on the other hand, I should win the election, then I shall devote every effort of mind and spirit to fulfilling the oath of the presidency — practically identical, I might add, to the oath I have taken for 14 years in the Congress. For without reservation, I can “solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the office of president of the United States, and will to the best of my ability preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution, so help me God.
quote
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=16920600
Kennedy’s speech and presidency restored my personal sense of self-value. But it also pointed out then the obfuscation and distraction these religious voices cause. Even so today. And these voices take away the rights of some of the people. Homosexual relationships are seen as immoral. And the document uses its religious standing to take away or define cicil rights: “No one has a civil right to have a non-marital relationship treated as a marriage”
The Manhattan Declaration: A Call of Christian Conscience does not argue on the grounds of law and state but on the authority of religion. What it terms a “Christian” religion. And like my teacher back in the 4th grade it chooses to make laws based on the religious belief of some of the people. Because not all of the people are Christians and not all of the people have religions. But all of the people are Americans.

When I was in the 4th grade I made my first Holy Communion at St. John’s in Philadelphia.  I attended public school because my family could not afford Catholic school but did attend for catechism lessons. There was a Catechism requirement which was that I attend the Catholic school for 1 week prior to my communion and on the Monday morning after. That time was intensive religious training. I was becoming an adult. I was very proud of myself. And I loved my new white dress and veil.

After my first confession on Saturday and my first holy communion on Sunday, I again received communion on Monday morning and after church made my way back to Longfellow Elementary school wearing my beautiful white dress. I didn’t change because I had to go directly to school carrying a note explaining my absence. I was happy to return. I thought my teacher would congratulate me on my Communion and let me tell the class about my dress.

Instead, my 4th grade teacher read my mother’s note and made a big X through it. She then marked the attendance book with 5 ½ unexcused absences. Holy Communions were not reasons to miss school. Then she told me to go home and change my dress. It was inappropriate. I was embarrassed and crying when I changed and my mom explained that some people just didn’t like Catholics.

And back I went, feeling humiliated of course but not as humiliated as I was going to feel. For some reason the teacher decided to read the Bible to the class after first  pointing out that it was the King James version and that there were no other legitimate versions and then calling me up to read from the Bible to the class.

Catholics didn’t read the King James version of the Bible. They read the Douay-Rheims version. Which she well knew. But punishing me seemed to be her afternoon goal.

This is years later. I recall that event now because I am upset about The Manhattan Declaration. I am opposed to anything executed by government in the name of religion. If you want my vote explain to me in non religious terms why I should follow along. Otherwise you are mixing religion and state.

We separate religion from state for a reason. My own example is a small example of what happens if we do not maintain the separation. After all, whose religion will be the recognized religion? Remember, that Obama could be a Muslim was a scare tactic used by the Republican / Christian right during the previous election. There is no Constitutional reason why Obama should not have been a Muslim. And when I was a kid everyone feared the Pope would actually take the reigns of the United States if John Kennedy were elected president. Protestantism was ok but Catholicism was not.

Kennedy’s understanding of religion and country was intensely insightful. I offer his words here because they were the foundation of my understanding as a young girl about the relationship between church and state.

While the so-called religious issue is necessarily and properly the chief topic here tonight, I want to emphasize from the outset that we have far more critical issues to face in the 1960 election: the spread of Communist influence, until it now festers 90 miles off the coast of Florida; the humiliating treatment of our president and vice president by those who no longer respect our power; the hungry children I saw in West Virginia; the old people who cannot pay their doctor bills; the families forced to give up their farms; an America with too many slums, with too few schools, and too late to the moon and outer space.

These are the real issues which should decide this campaign. And they are not religious issues — for war and hunger and ignorance and despair know no religious barriers.

But because I am a Catholic, and no Catholic has ever been elected president, the real issues in this campaign have been obscured — perhaps deliberately, in some quarters less responsible than this. So it is apparently necessary for me to state once again not what kind of church I believe in — for that should be important only to me — but what kind of America I believe in.

I believe in an America where the separation of church and state is absolute, where no Catholic prelate would tell the president (should he be Catholic) how to act, and no Protestant minister would tell his parishioners for whom to vote; where no church or church school is granted any public funds or political preference; and where no man is denied public office merely because his religion differs from the president who might appoint him or the people who might elect him.

I believe in an America that is officially neither Catholic, Protestant nor Jewish; where no public official either requests or accepts instructions on public policy from the Pope, the National Council of Churches or any other ecclesiastical source; where no religious body seeks to impose its will directly or indirectly upon the general populace or the public acts of its officials; and where religious liberty is so indivisible that an act against one church is treated as an act against all.

For while this year it may be a Catholic against whom the finger of suspicion is pointed, in other years it has been, and may someday be again, a Jew— or a Quaker or a Unitarian or a Baptist. It was Virginia’s harassment of Baptist preachers, for example, that helped lead to Jefferson’s statute of religious freedom. Today I may be the victim, but tomorrow it may be you — until the whole fabric of our harmonious society is ripped at a time of great national peril.

Finally, I believe in an America where religious intolerance will someday end; where all men and all churches are treated as equal; where every man has the same right to attend or not attend the church of his choice; where there is no Catholic vote, no anti-Catholic vote, no bloc voting of any kind; and where Catholics, Protestants and Jews, at both the lay and pastoral level, will refrain from those attitudes of disdain and division which have so often marred their works in the past, and promote instead the American ideal of brotherhood.

That is the kind of America in which I believe. And it represents the kind of presidency in which I believe — a great office that must neither be humbled by making it the instrument of any one religious group, nor tarnished by arbitrarily withholding its occupancy from the members of any one religious group. I believe in a president whose religious views are his own private affair, neither imposed by him upon the nation, or imposed by the nation upon him as a condition to holding that office.

I would not look with favor upon a president working to subvert the First Amendment’s guarantees of religious liberty. Nor would our system of checks and balances permit him to do so. And neither do I look with favor upon those who would work to subvert Article VI of the Constitution by requiring a religious test — even by indirection — for it. If they disagree with that safeguard, they should be out openly working to repeal it.

I want a chief executive whose public acts are responsible to all groups and obligated to none; who can attend any ceremony, service or dinner his office may appropriately require of him; and whose fulfillment of his presidential oath is not limited or conditioned by any religious oath, ritual or obligation.

This is the kind of America I believe in, and this is the kind I fought for in the South Pacific, and the kind my brother died for in Europe. No one suggested then that we may have a “divided loyalty,” that we did “not believe in liberty,” or that we belonged to a disloyal group that threatened the “freedoms for which our forefathers died.”

And in fact ,this is the kind of America for which our forefathers died, when they fled here to escape religious test oaths that denied office to members of less favored churches; when they fought for the Constitution, the Bill of Rights and the Virginia Statute of Religious Freedom; and when they fought at the shrine I visited today, the Alamo. For side by side with Bowie and Crockett died McCafferty and Bailey and Carey. But no one knows whether they were Catholic or not, for there was no religious test at the Alamo.

I ask you tonight to follow in that tradition, to judge me on the basis of my record of 14 years in Congress, on my declared stands against an ambassador to the Vatican, against unconstitutional aid to parochial schools, and against any boycott of the public schools (which I have attended myself)— instead of judging me on the basis of these pamphlets and publications we all have seen that carefully select quotations out of context from the statements of Catholic church leaders, usually in other countries, frequently in other centuries, and always omitting, of course, the statement of the American Bishops in 1948, which strongly endorsed church-state separation, and which more nearly reflects the views of almost every American Catholic.

I do not consider these other quotations binding upon my public acts. Why should you? But let me say, with respect to other countries, that I am wholly opposed to the state being used by any religious group, Catholic or Protestant, to compel, prohibit, or persecute the free exercise of any other religion. And I hope that you and I condemn with equal fervor those nations which deny their presidency to Protestants, and those which deny it to Catholics. And rather than cite the misdeeds of those who differ, I would cite the record of the Catholic Church in such nations as Ireland and France, and the independence of such statesmen as Adenauer and De Gaulle.

But let me stress again that these are my views. For contrary to common newspaper usage, I am not the Catholic candidate for president. I am the Democratic Party’s candidate for president, who happens also to be a Catholic. I do not speak for my church on public matters, and the church does not speak for me.

Whatever issue may come before me as president — on birth control, divorce, censorship, gambling or any other subject — I will make my decision in accordance with these views, in accordance with what my conscience tells me to be the national interest, and without regard to outside religious pressures or dictates. And no power or threat of punishment could cause me to decide otherwise.

But if the time should ever come — and I do not concede any conflict to be even remotely possible — when my office would require me to either violate my conscience or violate the national interest, then I would resign the office; and I hope any conscientious public servant would do the same.

But I do not intend to apologize for these views to my critics of either Catholic or Protestant faith, nor do I intend to disavow either my views or my church in order to win this election.

If I should lose on the real issues, I shall return to my seat in the Senate, satisfied that I had tried my best and was fairly judged. But if this election is decided on the basis that 40 million Americans lost their chance of being president on the day they were baptized, then it is the whole nation that will be the loser — in the eyes of Catholics and non-Catholics around the world, in the eyes of history, and in the eyes of our own people.

But if, on the other hand, I should win the election, then I shall devote every effort of mind and spirit to fulfilling the oath of the presidency — practically identical, I might add, to the oath I have taken for 14 years in the Congress. For without reservation, I can “solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the office of president of the United States, and will to the best of my ability preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution, so help me God.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=16920600

Kennedy’s speech and presidency restored my personal sense of self-value. But it also pointed out then the obfuscation and distraction these religious voices cause. Even so today. And these voices take away the rights of some of the people. Homosexual relationships are seen as immoral. And the document uses its religious standing to take away or define civil rights: “No one has a civil right to have a non-marital relationship treated as a marriage”

“The Manhattan Declaration: A Call of Christian Conscience” does not argue the issue of human rights on the constitutional grounds of law but on the authority of religion,  a “Christian” religion. And like my teacher back in the 4th grade it chooses to make laws based on the religious belief of some of the people. For all of the people. Even though not all of the people are Christians and not all of the people have religions. But all of the people are Americans. And all Americans no matter their religion or sexuality are people.


Also read:

“‘Christian’ Manifesto Comparing Liberals to Nazis Gathers Signatures of Religious Right Leaders — & Catholic Bishops”

Admit It: We're All Balloonboy Spammers & Scammers

Nobody HomeI was following a mashable.com story yesterday. Hate giving you the url because it just increases viewership for the stupid thing (MASHABLE.COM – ALERT: Twitter Bug Exposes Private Tweets – http://bit.ly/1WAHXL) But, in the end, we find there was NOTHING exposed. IE: “The New Twitter Hole That Probably Isn’t

Ironically, I also got culled into watching #balloonboy from almost start to finish. Only to observe the whole thing was a scam. Hmmm, I recall a tweeterer referring to those of my ilk as “fat lazy people watching cable tv all day”. Well, I wasn’t until someone tweeted about #balloonboy then, yes, I was.

OK? So here’s my beef:

Cable tv and internet bloggers have a lot at stake in 24 hour news cycles. Some days there’s nothing. And those of us who wake up and read and tweet and blog circulate the daily grind the same as regular news channels and announcers who make comments like: Sir, How fast do you think the balloon could rise at the beginning of the arc? Surmising fictions. Filling the air with vacuous air.

Who cares? News in process. Dudes! No one has the time to think.

Yet here in Twitterland I see gizmos designed to assign you a social media / blog performance rating based on RT’s (retweets) and followers and the number of times your blog is updated and soon,

SOON it’s all hot air. HOT AIR! We’re all a bunch of #balloonboy parents filling the sky with UFO’s

UGH!!!!!!!! What’s with that?!

PS: Please, feel free to retweet :)

I Once Was Lost but a Poem Was Found

Lost and Found

Lost and Found

I’m sharing a bit of cyberlife with this post. I am suffering from a Twitter ‘known issue’, one peculiarly existential. I am missing from Twitter’s Find People search. Just so you understand this issue, here is Twitter’s definition of the problem:

Are you unable to find yourself when doing a People search for your username or name? Please note that if you are not appearing in normal search results (tweet search), you are NOT experiencing this bug. Do NOT comment on this known issue unless you are missing from People search.

The suffering comes in 4 stages: disbelief, anger, fear, and despair.

1) disbelief It’s not real at first notice. It’s most curious. Hmmm, why am I not showing up? Then, one checks out related topics under Twitter’s FAQs. Indicators there suggest that the user’s posts are not showing up because s/he has in some way spoiled the quality of the search (shame, fear, what did I say?). There’s a hint one may have breached the terms of service, and, hence, been ostracized.

2) anger One pummels the table. One obsessively searches – read here, for example: “Are You Missing From Twitter Search?”

3) fear But it gets worse. Because none of your hashtags show up. So that contest, or those quotes you thought were being collected don’t include you and suddenly you knock on doors and no one answers.

4) despair Perhaps the lowest day of all? A tweet from Lukester (Twitter tech support) on Twitter.

Lukester: Find People Search is now working correctly for folks. Wed Sept 30th approx. 4:00 pm

And via a test or two you discover your posts are not, even after the problem is announced as fixed, showing up.

Beyond that analysis of the loss, there’s the greater expression, i.e., the voices of the lost themselves. The title of this post is the title of a ‘compiled’ or ‘found poem’ if you will.

I Once Was Lost but a Poem Was Found

(Have a glass of wine, relax, enjoy):

I posted my first tweet on Sept. 11th and as far as I’ve known I’ve never shown up
I probably should add that neither my user name or actual name are showing up, it almost sounded like I was talking about my tweets and I am not.

problem started to occur Sept. 15 around 5:45 p.m. A friend tried to find me, but couldn’t.

I am not sure when I realized I was “invisible” but it’s been months.
if you search for Carolyn Wilman you get the account I closed.
If you search for Contest Queen (@ContestQueen) you get someone else.

I have never been able to find myself nor have others

This problem is known now since 3 weeks. I tried to change the names and changed it back. I tried to change cases.
I tried to substitute the Umlaut ‘ü’ by it’s representation ‘ue’. Nothing helps.
By the way if I am looking for ‘Schloss Neuenbürg’ I find ‘Schloss Neuenburg’ which is definitly not the same.

I don’t appear in the hashtags eather and can’t update my “Selective Twitter Status” for that reason.

I am frustrated beyond words.

I have not been able to find myself under my username or normal name. Pleaseeeeeeee heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have never been findable since creating the account over a week ago.

Just noticed it today. What happens next? Will someone get in touch with me?

thought this might be fixed since I was able to search and find me using Twidroid on my Android device. Still can’t be found from my desktop machine. Hope this gives somebody a clue!

so i’ve made a comment last week about having this problem. It was fixed for a couple of days, and now it back to being invisible. I just noticed it right now.

we do not come up either when you search for “Tart” which is the name the account is registered under, or by “cupcakesbytart” when searching for people on twitter.

Compiling these helps because, in the end, I had the reassurance of someone who was actually looking for me. It gave me hope & a way to end this poem :) :

My friend “Barb McMillen” (username barbfmc) does not appear in Find People. If I search for Barb using Find People, another user called “Barb McMillen” shows up and she has the username barbmcmillen. This other user is a dead account (no tweets, no friends). Why does she show up but my friend doesn’t?
Furthermore, if my friend tweets and uses a hashtag, that tweet will not show up in Twitter Search. In other words, she is being TOTALLY ignored.
Barb joined Twitter ages ago and she used to show up everywhere – suddenly, nothing!

By the way, thanks to all those voices.

Speaking up for America

walt_whitman

Walt Whitman

When I was 18 I joined Appalachian Volunteers – a subgroup of Volunteers in Service to America (VISTA) called forth by John F. Kennedy (“ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country”) and Lynden B. Johnson. As young people we were asked to step outside our comfort zones out into the paths of poverty and hopelessness.

The president talked to us. We were motivated. Inspired. As we were also inspired by the Civil Rights Movement. We donned jeans and went out there and got in the middle of things and helped. We were for democracy, peace, equal rights. We were overcoming war, racism, anti-intellectualism. Women stood up for their rights. We were a force to contend with.

Re-read John F. Kennedy’s amazing speech and think about it in relationship to the work President Obama tries to do. “Ask Not What Your Country Can Do For You speech: “Inaugural Address by John F. Kennedy – January 20th 1961″ http://www.famousquotes.me.uk/speeches/John_F_Kennedy/5.htm

Why do I remember this now?

Because we were inspired by that speech. The president spoke to us and told us how we could participate in this government. How we could make this government ours and could also move toward peace in the world. We didn’t fear that his was a call to socialism. Or a call that would threaten our civil liberties. It was a call that would enhance freedom and enhance everyone’s civil liberties.

Yet all of this was premeditated by Walt Whitman in ‘Song of Myself’ (http://www.princeton.edu/~batke/logr/log_026.html). He saw the self as the bearer of the two horns of democracy -” I” and “thou” (Martin Buber comes to mind). And Whitman merged them each to each in a great and heartening synthesis, “every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you.”

In “Song of Myself” Whitman becomes an amazing amalgam discussing how we feed each other – how we are each other, how we are recycled into each other.

“Do you see O my brothers and sisters?
It is not chaos or death – it is form, union, plan – it is eternal
life – it is Happiness.”

The ‘other’ is ‘thou’ – as holy as the self – and sometimes not distinguishable from the self.

Yet there are now those who oppose fearing the loss of individual rights and fearing the of loss of identity. The world for them is an argument between “I” and “IT” (Martin Buber comes to mind again Buber’s “IT” being an unsecured ‘other’ ‘not me’ having nothing to do with me).

Whitman says:

“Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)”

We are a dialogue, a synthesis of each other. Voices today that are fearful, speak to individual rights as though individual rights are threatened by a social movement. These voices have no sense of belonging to America as I know it, of actual belonging to what America is.

Can I be a bit sweetly patriotic?

The New Colossus

The New Colossus

The New Colossus

Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name
Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.
“Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!” cries she
With silent lips. “Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”
—Emma Lazarus, 1883

What Whitman teaches me with every read, what Martin Buber expresses with great wisdom, what the poem at the base of the statue of liberty proclaims: we are one. That we become one. That our differences are our strength. That we lift a hand that a hand should be lifted -

that is the America I know. Made up of the wretched and the poor, the homeless who have come together here to be more than circumstance. Our country is not some ‘ancient land of storied pomp.” Obama can speak/give to all children: the gift of union and hope. He is telling children to have hope. He places the future directly into their hands. He is not making them helpless. He is telling them they are strong and can control their future. He is telling them not be be afraid.

For those who are so filled with fear – as Whitman says – They may think in our silence we are not here. But we are here. [We]

“I bequeath myself to the dirt to grow from the grass I love,
If you want me again look for me under your boot-soles.

You will hardly know who I am or what I mean,
But I shall be good health to you nevertheless,
And filter and fibre your blood.

Failing to fetch me at first keep encouraged,
Missing me one place search another,
I stop somewhere waiting for you.”

We who are silent – we who breathe each other take strength from each other. We do not operate out of fear. We operate out of love. Let’s not be silent, though. Let’s talk it up. There’s more than one kind of American. And more than one kind of Patriot.

Also read: “Memo to the Tea-Baggers: God and Country Aren’t with You

Magnet of the arbitrary

Big Guy

Big Guy

A good dog walk is a magnet to the arbitrary. Not because the walks are arbitrary – they aren’t. Eventually they settle into a schedule which if missed – reminders abound. Both dogs at my side whimpering, ‘Time for a walk.’

No, the events occurring during the walk are the arbitrary. Someone else’s dog off his leach, someone else’s dog doing  ‘his business’ on his front lawn, someone else’s dog barking from inside the house at the menace walking by his house, ‘They’re going to KILL us. This is MY house. Stay away!’

Little Guy

Little Guy

And as the arbitrary comes dashing by – the dog off his leach causing my dogs ON their leach to swirl about me– inevitably an owner comes after yelling ‘bad dog, bad dog’. Inside one house the dogs who barked out at us – would be overwhelmed in sound by their owners yelling inside the house ‘Bad Dogs. Stop that! Stop it!’ Soon, we never heard the dogs in the house. Only the owners yelling ‘Bad dogs.’

The good of all this is US, I, a queen, with her kings, walking our route. Me, saying ‘good dogs! Good dogs’! Unlike all the ‘bad dog’ owners. And MY dogs preen and step mightily.

I hear Kipling’s poem of advice to his son, ‘If’ recalling the first lines:

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
http://www.everypoet.com/archive/poetry/Rudyard_Kipling/kipling_if.htm

and realize the arbitrary doesn’t define us. It makes us better. We managed. Did not succumb. Unlike golf, ours was not ‘a good walk spoiled’ (Mark Twain)

(Any good doggy stories out there or comments? Or poems? Welcomed:)